Monday, May 31, 2010

The hospital

My mom is leaving tomorrow and I am so, so sad. I know it is going to be very hard without her and I wish that we didn't live on different continents. She has been such a support for me during these past 18 days and I feel so much better about everything.

I finally feel good enough to write just a little bit about how hard it was to go back to the hospital with Theo when he had the high bilirubin levels and jaundice.

We hear so much about attachment parenting nowadays, and how it is vital for your child and baby to feel close to you and loved and supported by you. Even if you don't follow attachment parenting, chances are good that in the first weeks the baby is being carried and held by you most of the time.You know these first days are important.

So you can maybe imagine what it is like to see your 5 day old child like this.

He is screaming at the top of his lungs, clawing at the eye mask on his face, hitting his hand with the infusion against the plastic, and all you can do is stick your arms in little slots trying to calm him by touching his hot and sweaty body. You do get to take him out every two hours to breastfeed him, change his diaper, and take his temperature; but then you have to put him back the whole time never seeing his eyes.

Every day different doctors come and ask questions which have already been asked by others. Different nurses come to take blood and you hear your baby really cry every morning. Every day you hope will be the day that he will be released so that you can at least spend Easter weekend at home, but even though his levels go down they also go back up and the breastfeeding doesn't seem to be working as his weight keeps dropping.

You spend Easter weekend in the hospital with your son no longer under the lights but still not allowed to go home.

Finally on the Monday after Easter you get to go home with the knowledge that his levels will be tested again and if they have gone up he will have to be readmitted.
You're terrified, and exhausted, but just so thankful to go home.

Thankfully 8 weeks later you are looking at a 9 week old boy who is starting to smile more and more often and the time is almost forgotten. But not quite.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I gained about 40 pounds with my pregnancy with Teddy. This is how I looked at the end...

Now 8 weeks postpartum I only have about 6 pounds left to lose! :D However I have a whole lot of toning to do in the stomach area, as that is where I pretty much gained everything.

Carrying around a heavy baby all day (he is about 14 pounds now!) and doing lots and lots of walking (a minimum of at least 2-3 miles almost every day) is definitely helping my arms and legs to get toned but not really doing much for the belly.

I'm going to start working out again for real in June but I was wondering if any moms had some good exercises for the stomach that I can do at home, and ideally with baby?

P.S. I am only able to write this because my amazing, amazing mom is still here visiting. She is so great at cuddling up with her grandson and I am finally getting some minutes to myself- it is really lovely. Especially since Teddy still can't sleep by himself for more then 4ish minutes so he is pretty much on me 24 hours a day.

Here a picture of my lovely mom and I.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Say Cheese!

Colic is hard. Fussy babies are hard. I know I have said that a lot over the past seven weeks but it has been a huge part of my life. Listening to a baby cry, especially yours, really pulls at the emotions and then when you pick the child up and they scream even louder it can make sleep deprived days and nights that much longer.

But we all know that there is supposedly a light at the end of the tunnel, Smiles!

You won't be out of the dark completely until 12-18 weeks if your child is more then averagely fussy or has colic but you will have smiles to keep you going once you hit 6-7 weeks.

We still have a fussy baby who likes to make faces like this.

But you know what? The crying isn't half bad when you get one of these at least once or twice a day:D

Saturday, May 15, 2010

7 weeks!

Theodor is 7 weeks today and it is amazing to watch his personality slowly emerge. It is also fun to hear from other mothers who spend time with him as it clues me in to things I never would have known.

Like who knew that many 7 week olds can't hold their heads up, and don't spend most of their awake time pushing as hard as they can with their legs and stomachs basically willing themselves to stand or sit (I honestly have no clue what is going through his head,perhaps he just hates being held and wants to assert his independence LOL)? He is also is in mainly 6 month clothes now which is honestly crazy. But no problem since my awesome mom just brought us so, so, so many wonderful 6+ clothes!

Apparently Teddy is very strong for his age, which is fine with me although it does hurt when he kicks me in the gut while breastfeeding or when he bucks against me as hard as possible because he doesn't feel like going in his carrier. Speaking of which we recently purchased a Beco Butterfly and I love it! Theo is already way too big for the infant insert even though he isn't over the weight limit for it but it works fine without it and is safe either way.

He is awake and alert so often now and it is really fun to watch him finally start to "see" things. He also now has the dreaded cradle cap which actually doesn't bother me much especially in comparison to the baby acne which I was always very tempted to pick at and pop,although I didn't.

He still cries for a few hours everyday and isn't comforted by being held by mom or dad but I am hoping and thinking that he will be one of the babies whose colic ends at 3 months so we are already over the halfway point!

My mom is visiting and she loves her grandson SO much. He also loves her if his smiles are anything to go by. Her visiting also means that I have now spent an hour away from Teddy. It was strange and hard but I am very excited that DH and I can go on a date now!

Lets just hope I can manage to talk about something other then Theodor on our first date:)

Here are 2 pictures. One of Teddy right after a smile (those things are hard to get on camera!) and a picture of "the giant" in all his glory.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

5 weeks

Teddy had his 5 week check up yesterday and everything looked wonderful. He is in the 97th percentile for height and weight which is fun for me- except for when I am carrying him up the four flights of stairs to our flat :D But carrying him around all the time is helping me get back in shape so I really don't mind.

Things are going so much better. We are getting out of the house often and going for walks, shopping, and meeting up with other mommy friends. Teddy is always on his best behavior for others so it is nice to watch him quietly lay next to another little one, especially since I know he won't do the same for us at home. yet.

Even though I am so excited for him to start interacting with us, I know I am going to miss this. The way he looks so angelic when he sleeps in the wrap.

The little smiles that he is starting to make and the strange little noises that can occur anytime whether he is awake or asleep.

How excited he gets before breastfeeding. He will get a bit hysterical and then instantly calm down when his head gets near my chest. He then gets an impish little smile on his face and takes a few seconds before ravenously digging in with abandon. It is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

I love him so much and feel so blessed to have Theo in our life. I knew mommyhood would be awesome but I was not prepared for how high the highs would be and how low the lows. I am so happy that my husband and I took this step and that we were lucky enough to have a baby like Theodor. Even though I sometimes wish he would stay my little baby forever, I know watching him grow and mature and become the amazing man that he is going to be, is going to be such a wonderful journey for my husband and I. The first weeks definitely have been.

Teddy as I see him when he falls asleep in the wrap- in this position I can get lots of kisses in while he sleeps :D