So this time around is different, which should be obvious- or in the words of a good friend, "No shit, Sherlock". Speaking of which the BBC Sherlock is so fantastic! I was holding up hope that the American version would at least be decent to help me deal with the long wait for new episodes with Benedict but unfortunately the first episode didn't hook me but I will give it another chance. What was I saying? Oh yeah this time is different, so different.
I never thought that something like colic could really have affected me so much but it did. I think if you have a "normal" baby you maybe can't imagine what it is like to have a baby who really cries all the time. Who never lets you put him down, who genuinely seems unhappy with life and most certainly with you, is like. But I can let you in on a little secret, it sucks.
Sure you tell yourself it is all worth it, and thank the stars the baby is cute, and he'll outgrow it - which of course is all true but you know what? Bonding is a whole lot easier when you can look in your baby's eyes and they aren't all scrunched up with tears clinging to their cheeks due to screaming. The first weeks are a whole lot more enjoyable when you can hand the baby to a relative or a friend and eat something in peace, let alone being able to put the baby down in the first place.
This time around I got that "normal" baby, and let me tell you, it is awesome. Sure he still cries sometimes, especially if he has to wait to be fed- but those are the breaks of not being the first, he also gets lots of sloppy kisses from his brother to make up for it. I love that I am not at the limits of exhaustion because this time I do get sleep. Ferdi does 3 hour stretches at night next to me in bed, and a few 1-2+ hour naps during the day... and normally not on me! Normally in his bassinet, sometimes in the car, stroller, or in the wrap. Until 4 months Teddy never did any sleep not on me and his normal stretch was 90 minutes so this is pretty much life changing for me.
Ferdi looks around when he is awake, sure he sometimes cries, but often not. Once again this was a complete shock. I honestly did not think baby's could be awake without crying. Obviously I saw that other people's babies did this but I kind of just couldn't accept that could be possible as it was so different from my reality. Ferdi also gave me his first smile at 4 weeks he hasn't smiled much since then but it was a fantastic little smile to see.
My midwife mentioned that she thought it was too bad that our first baby was such a challenge since our midwife at the time was no support at all but honestly I think it was such an important experience. First of all because nothing seems particularly difficult in comparison but also because it allowed me to quickly realize that we can decide how our children effect us. I don't need to take on my children's emotions, and I can still be perfectly happy even if they are not. I'm responsible for loving them, giving them a good home, and helping the learn the skills to be independent, all the other stuff comes down to them.
You might be wondering how this relates to colic and newborns but it does. Basically I could have been miserable those first 4 months with Teddy wondering what I was doing so wrong to make him so sad. But I wasn't (well OK I was but I was really, really, tired) however I did quickly realize that I wasn't to blame for his lack of lust for the world. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I couldn't do any more then I was. The same is true this time around. When Ferdi has a rough day and decides to cry for awhile during the witching hours, I rock him and get on with my night. I don't worry whether I ate something wrong, or if his onesie is itchy, or he doesn't like the music playing. Not because I don't care for his comfort- I do. But because I realize that all these things are probably not a problem or he would have started crying much earlier. Babies cry, as I learned all so well the first time around, and the best thing I can do is simply love him and get on with my day.
An author I like, Dr. Marc Weissbluth says of the first weeks, "Try not to think of doing things to or for the baby. Instead, take time to enjoy doing things with your baby." That is what I have been doing these past almost 6 weeks. I have been doing things with Ferdi and Teddy and my lovely husband and enjoying myself immensely. This time is wonderful and beautiful and I feel so lucky to get to experience it with both my children. I can genuinely say that I am happy right now, if not a little tired.
Showing posts with label parenting general life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting general life. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Top Ten Tuesday: Surprises as a new mom to 2
Top Ten Tuesday: My top ten surprises as a new mom to two
10: Babies or at least my new one, go to the bathroom all the time! I do not know how I forgot about changing diapers a zillion times a day but it was definitely a surprise to me. My favorite is changing his diaper just to have him go again 30 seconds later.
9: Baby screams are so loud- but surprisingly easy to ignore the second time around. I remember with Teddy that the second he made a sound the hubby and I were at a mad dash to try and help him out. This time around it is like- dude I know you are a teensy bit unhappy right at this moment but you your big brother is brushing teeth so you are going to have to wait a minute.
8. The weight hasn't melted off. I wasn't expecting to have lost all of it by now... oh wait yes I was! I think it is taking longer because this time around I am making sure to make time to eat. I won't start hitting the gym again until 4 months, so I better get used to wearing the pregnancy pants for awhile longer.
7. My children hate the co-sleeper. What is up with this? At least this one will sleep in his bassinet during the day but at night the co-sleeper is a no-go, thankfully there is room in bed for all of us and I have never had a problem with co-sleeping.
6. Getting two kids under 3 out the door quickly is hard. I know every mom told me this before so it shouldn't be a surprise, but it is.
5. This is a lot more fun the second time around. I am so much less stressed and less worried and am able to just enjoy this time much more then with Teddy- although Ferdi not having colic helps a LOT too.
4. Babies without colic rock! Seriously life is so much more pleasant with a baby who does not cry all the time, and those silly 5 S's which never worked with Teddy actually work with this one. Crazy!
3. Going without a 5+ hour chunk of sleep still totally drives me crazy. Was hoping that I was now such a zen mom that this wouldn't bother me, nope it still does.
2. Babies have so much stuff. I had completely forgotten how much "gear" babies have. Or at least how much stuff I bought for Teddy and now have brought up from the basement. Way too much, and I don't even have the toys for older babies like activity blanket or playpen up yet.
1. Giving Teddy a brother was awesome not just for us but for him- he absolutely loves his little brother and so far there has been no jealousy, which has been the best surprise of all.
10: Babies or at least my new one, go to the bathroom all the time! I do not know how I forgot about changing diapers a zillion times a day but it was definitely a surprise to me. My favorite is changing his diaper just to have him go again 30 seconds later.
9: Baby screams are so loud- but surprisingly easy to ignore the second time around. I remember with Teddy that the second he made a sound the hubby and I were at a mad dash to try and help him out. This time around it is like- dude I know you are a teensy bit unhappy right at this moment but you your big brother is brushing teeth so you are going to have to wait a minute.
8. The weight hasn't melted off. I wasn't expecting to have lost all of it by now... oh wait yes I was! I think it is taking longer because this time around I am making sure to make time to eat. I won't start hitting the gym again until 4 months, so I better get used to wearing the pregnancy pants for awhile longer.
7. My children hate the co-sleeper. What is up with this? At least this one will sleep in his bassinet during the day but at night the co-sleeper is a no-go, thankfully there is room in bed for all of us and I have never had a problem with co-sleeping.
6. Getting two kids under 3 out the door quickly is hard. I know every mom told me this before so it shouldn't be a surprise, but it is.
5. This is a lot more fun the second time around. I am so much less stressed and less worried and am able to just enjoy this time much more then with Teddy- although Ferdi not having colic helps a LOT too.
4. Babies without colic rock! Seriously life is so much more pleasant with a baby who does not cry all the time, and those silly 5 S's which never worked with Teddy actually work with this one. Crazy!
3. Going without a 5+ hour chunk of sleep still totally drives me crazy. Was hoping that I was now such a zen mom that this wouldn't bother me, nope it still does.
2. Babies have so much stuff. I had completely forgotten how much "gear" babies have. Or at least how much stuff I bought for Teddy and now have brought up from the basement. Way too much, and I don't even have the toys for older babies like activity blanket or playpen up yet.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
My poor mother
I was skyping with my mother recently and she mentioned how disappointed she was that I wasn't updating this blog more regularly as during the last pregnancy she had really felt like she was a part of things, mainly due to my blogging.
While I completely understand where she is coming from, this pregnancy emotionally is just so different then the last that I don't think I will ever be able to muster up the effort to blog about it regularly. I mean so far during this pregnancy I have taken one pregnancy belly picture, about 10 weeks ago I believe- although speaking of weeks I can almost never tell you what week I am at, unless I just had a doctor's appointment, so you can see the fun belly progression of 14 weeks to..... hopefully I will manage to take one this week.
During this pregnancy I have also read exactly 0 books to get me prepared for the birth and baby, during the previous pregnancy I was probably at 30 by now. I haven't joined any special birth month pregnancy groups online, and am not really interested in doing so. I am planning on doing hypnobabies again but I don't need to start the 5 week self-study course until July and this time there is no way I would even consider starting it at week 25 like last time.
Honestly this reads as though I am not excited but I am, I am so thrilled that there is going to be another awesome little boy lighting up our lives. But this time I get to be excited about the realities which I know are coming, and I don't need to focus so much on all the possibilities. I know that I am going to have an insanely large stomach in just a few weeks so right now I love the fact that I still barely notice it now. I know that the first months will be a big adjustment so I am enjoying how easy our routine is and how much free time we both have for friends and hobbies living with our two year old right now. I know that the birth is something awesome and special but also difficult and maybe not something I want to spend months and months thinking about so I'm not.
I'm excited to have two little boys running around the house but I know that is still a ways off so I am focusing on the here and now and how enjoyable it is. I also really, really, really, REALLY love this age. 2 is awesome. Is he testing us? Sure. But is he also becoming more creative, more talkative, and overall just more of a person? Most definitely and it is so fun to watch and be a part of.
My pregnancies so far have both been easy and pretty much stress free. No diabetes, high blood pressure, trouble with position, etc. so I am really able to just sort of go on with my life as though I'm not even pregnant.... although I won't lie I miss drinking so much more than last time. I think because my nights out with the girls and with my husband and friends took on even more importance once Teddy entered our lives and going out every weekend was often unrealistic. Not that I am not still going out with friends and having fun but I definitely am looking forward to my first night out once the baby comes and I can really let loose. I also am surprised by how much I want to try for a third. We've both decided to just wait and see how it goes with two but a strong part of me really wants to go for 3, and space the last two perhaps even a bit closer together (but not closer than 2 years) so as to get the baby stage done with. Part of this does have to do with really wanting to have a daughter but at the same time even if baby number 2 had been a girl I feel pretty confident that I still would have wanted to have a third just as much, and of course I am prepared that I could have a third boy which is more than alright with me. But we'll see how I feel once the second actually arrives though!
So I'm just about 24 weeks and will try to update again before the baby comes. I won't promise more because I am guessing it isn't going to happen, but you never know.
While I completely understand where she is coming from, this pregnancy emotionally is just so different then the last that I don't think I will ever be able to muster up the effort to blog about it regularly. I mean so far during this pregnancy I have taken one pregnancy belly picture, about 10 weeks ago I believe- although speaking of weeks I can almost never tell you what week I am at, unless I just had a doctor's appointment, so you can see the fun belly progression of 14 weeks to..... hopefully I will manage to take one this week.
During this pregnancy I have also read exactly 0 books to get me prepared for the birth and baby, during the previous pregnancy I was probably at 30 by now. I haven't joined any special birth month pregnancy groups online, and am not really interested in doing so. I am planning on doing hypnobabies again but I don't need to start the 5 week self-study course until July and this time there is no way I would even consider starting it at week 25 like last time.
Honestly this reads as though I am not excited but I am, I am so thrilled that there is going to be another awesome little boy lighting up our lives. But this time I get to be excited about the realities which I know are coming, and I don't need to focus so much on all the possibilities. I know that I am going to have an insanely large stomach in just a few weeks so right now I love the fact that I still barely notice it now. I know that the first months will be a big adjustment so I am enjoying how easy our routine is and how much free time we both have for friends and hobbies living with our two year old right now. I know that the birth is something awesome and special but also difficult and maybe not something I want to spend months and months thinking about so I'm not.
I'm excited to have two little boys running around the house but I know that is still a ways off so I am focusing on the here and now and how enjoyable it is. I also really, really, really, REALLY love this age. 2 is awesome. Is he testing us? Sure. But is he also becoming more creative, more talkative, and overall just more of a person? Most definitely and it is so fun to watch and be a part of.
My pregnancies so far have both been easy and pretty much stress free. No diabetes, high blood pressure, trouble with position, etc. so I am really able to just sort of go on with my life as though I'm not even pregnant.... although I won't lie I miss drinking so much more than last time. I think because my nights out with the girls and with my husband and friends took on even more importance once Teddy entered our lives and going out every weekend was often unrealistic. Not that I am not still going out with friends and having fun but I definitely am looking forward to my first night out once the baby comes and I can really let loose. I also am surprised by how much I want to try for a third. We've both decided to just wait and see how it goes with two but a strong part of me really wants to go for 3, and space the last two perhaps even a bit closer together (but not closer than 2 years) so as to get the baby stage done with. Part of this does have to do with really wanting to have a daughter but at the same time even if baby number 2 had been a girl I feel pretty confident that I still would have wanted to have a third just as much, and of course I am prepared that I could have a third boy which is more than alright with me. But we'll see how I feel once the second actually arrives though!
So I'm just about 24 weeks and will try to update again before the baby comes. I won't promise more because I am guessing it isn't going to happen, but you never know.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Still here
I know, I know, it has been weeks since I have posted even a peep. Well first off, life is fine, good, splendid,etc. However this baby has weakened my immune system to such a state that I got seriously ill 2 times within a month. I was on antibiotics, which helped... a little. But basically I was miserable, and dealing with a toddler, and thinking I would never feel better and hating it all. Now I'm better... well I have a cold but it appears that is going to be my healthy for the duration of this pregnancy. For someone who is otherwise almost never sick, this is a bit of a pain but more then doable.
Teddy had his second birthday. It went great. He is doing great. Everything is great. Really! I love having a toddler. He is starting to push the boundaries a bit more- running into the street like a maniac for example. But is also starting to get into pretend play, is talking more, and generally throwing both my husband and I for a loop with how crazy fun and adorable he is. He also is happy about the coming arrival of Ferdinand.
Yep that is right, we are having another boy! We're excited, while I was at the same time a little disappointed to find out I wouldn't get to experience a girl this time around, I also am thrilled to be having another boy and for Teddy to experience having a brother.
Although he is theoretically interested in the idea of a baby (I don't think he will really like the reality), what Teddy is really into right now are cars. He wakes up in the morning saying "autos", he goes to sleep at night saying "autos", he sleeps with a toy car (thankfully any of his will do, and if it falls out he doesn't care), he wants to ride in the car all the time. He points out all the "autos" he sees (cars, trucks, motorcycles, etc), and in general seems to have decided that "auto fahren" = riding in the car, is pretty much the best thing ever. We think it is cute although since we live in the city and don't have much reason to drive most places it can be hard to convince that we are going to walk or bike.
Speaking of biking, he got a balance bike and loves it. He isn't using it correctly yet, as he doesn't sit down on it, but I think that will come naturally with time and figuring out that is faster.
I'm looking forward to spring, for real spring, not this 40/50s snow/rain/hail junk we have been stuck with, and everything that goes with it.
Teddy had his second birthday. It went great. He is doing great. Everything is great. Really! I love having a toddler. He is starting to push the boundaries a bit more- running into the street like a maniac for example. But is also starting to get into pretend play, is talking more, and generally throwing both my husband and I for a loop with how crazy fun and adorable he is. He also is happy about the coming arrival of Ferdinand.
Yep that is right, we are having another boy! We're excited, while I was at the same time a little disappointed to find out I wouldn't get to experience a girl this time around, I also am thrilled to be having another boy and for Teddy to experience having a brother.
Although he is theoretically interested in the idea of a baby (I don't think he will really like the reality), what Teddy is really into right now are cars. He wakes up in the morning saying "autos", he goes to sleep at night saying "autos", he sleeps with a toy car (thankfully any of his will do, and if it falls out he doesn't care), he wants to ride in the car all the time. He points out all the "autos" he sees (cars, trucks, motorcycles, etc), and in general seems to have decided that "auto fahren" = riding in the car, is pretty much the best thing ever. We think it is cute although since we live in the city and don't have much reason to drive most places it can be hard to convince that we are going to walk or bike.
Speaking of biking, he got a balance bike and loves it. He isn't using it correctly yet, as he doesn't sit down on it, but I think that will come naturally with time and figuring out that is faster.
I'm looking forward to spring, for real spring, not this 40/50s snow/rain/hail junk we have been stuck with, and everything that goes with it.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Second Trimester
I'm at 15 weeks right now and feeling really good. Exhaustion still hits sometimes so I have added iron supplements to my diet but other then that I really feel great. The best part is feeling normal again, and being able to catch up on all the stuff I was missing; I've cooked yummy homemade meals almost every day for the past week- last night we had NYC Vodka Arrabbiata from Jamie Oliver's American cookbook, and a nice fresh salad. Yummy! I added a bit of spinach this time just because last time we loved it but it was SO hot and this time I wanted it a bit more mild- and it was a great addition.
Teddy is also getting way less TV time. No more TV in the mornings except on the weekends, and during the week normally just 10-15 minutes after nap time if he seems crabby.
We also have been getting in lots more outdoor time even though the weather has been gray and rainy. Teddy loves being outside and it is good for me too! At the end of this month we will also find out the sex of the baby- if baby cooperates of course. I don't really have a feel yet but if I had to pick, I would pick girl, solely due to the fact that so far these pregnancies have been almost exactly the same except for the fact that this time I haven't had any heartburn.
I also feel like working out again! I haven't yet... lets not push things here LOL but at least I have thought about it in a positive way.
Teddy is also getting way less TV time. No more TV in the mornings except on the weekends, and during the week normally just 10-15 minutes after nap time if he seems crabby.
We also have been getting in lots more outdoor time even though the weather has been gray and rainy. Teddy loves being outside and it is good for me too! At the end of this month we will also find out the sex of the baby- if baby cooperates of course. I don't really have a feel yet but if I had to pick, I would pick girl, solely due to the fact that so far these pregnancies have been almost exactly the same except for the fact that this time I haven't had any heartburn.
I also feel like working out again! I haven't yet... lets not push things here LOL but at least I have thought about it in a positive way.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
One question
Why is maternity wear so ugly?? Seriously POLKA DOTS are a NO GO. Why would I want to look like a blimp with bad taste? Now to be fair there are some cuter things out there nowadays but I don't normally spend 70 euros on a skirt and I am not going to start now just because I need an extra meter of fabric.
I haven't really mentioned that we are pregnant on here yet. We are. yay! Due at the end of August. It was planned. It happened fast. We are *lucky*. I felt super terrible pretty much right away because it started out as 2. Then 1 stopped developing and we let out a sigh of relief. I still felt sick all the time though. I've been taking B6 and unisom. Lifesaver! Looking forward to having more energy when I start the 2nd trimester next week.
So I haven't mentioned it, 1 because I have felt terrible but also because this time around I am just not that interested. Oh sure I am interested in adding another member to the family, but the pregnancy and birth? A bit meh right now. I'm sure I will get there but right now I am trying to get some good deals on winter sales of maternity wear and all I can think is how much better some of this stuff would look if the woman didn't have a huge baby in there, and that I am going to get so ridiculously big. Again. And honestly I'm so glad I lost all the weight after Teddy because at least I am not scared about losing it again after this one.Vain and shallow but that is how I feel right now.I'm also missing a nice beer and a good cocktail. Of course it goes without saying that it is nothing in comparison to getting to have another baby but since that is how I feel right now, I figure better not to write about it.
Also I don't know if I have mentioned on here but Teddy has actually gotten sweeter and more fun to be around which we didn't even know was possible. We really lucked out with this one :)
I haven't really mentioned that we are pregnant on here yet. We are. yay! Due at the end of August. It was planned. It happened fast. We are *lucky*. I felt super terrible pretty much right away because it started out as 2. Then 1 stopped developing and we let out a sigh of relief. I still felt sick all the time though. I've been taking B6 and unisom. Lifesaver! Looking forward to having more energy when I start the 2nd trimester next week.
So I haven't mentioned it, 1 because I have felt terrible but also because this time around I am just not that interested. Oh sure I am interested in adding another member to the family, but the pregnancy and birth? A bit meh right now. I'm sure I will get there but right now I am trying to get some good deals on winter sales of maternity wear and all I can think is how much better some of this stuff would look if the woman didn't have a huge baby in there, and that I am going to get so ridiculously big. Again. And honestly I'm so glad I lost all the weight after Teddy because at least I am not scared about losing it again after this one.Vain and shallow but that is how I feel right now.I'm also missing a nice beer and a good cocktail. Of course it goes without saying that it is nothing in comparison to getting to have another baby but since that is how I feel right now, I figure better not to write about it.
Also I don't know if I have mentioned on here but Teddy has actually gotten sweeter and more fun to be around which we didn't even know was possible. We really lucked out with this one :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Motherhood, friendships, and a ramble
I'm a young mother for Germany. I was 24 when Teddy was born and I will be 26 when baby number 2 arrives. Now for the USA that is on the earlyish side but for most towns still totally normal. For Germany, especially a big city, it is weird. Weirder still is that I am married and have been since I was 22. The average age for a German to get married is 30 and the average age to have a first child is 30. But of course averages are funny things so in an affluent area you see many, many moms with young children in their early to mid 40s. Nothing wrong with that of course. But when it comes to trying to make friends it can be hard.
I've lived here for 7 1/2 years and I still don't have a "best friend" here. I'm thankful that in my time here I have managed to make some good friends. Friends that I enjoy hanging out with and chatting with. But I'll be honest and say I'm still on the search for a friend that would compare to the friendships I had back home in the States. Now there are quite a few reasons for this; different cultures, ex-pats often only here for short periods of time, twenties are a period of transition for lots of people, etc. This is also something I am alright with and I really have made some awesome friends here both German and not who I really enjoy. However I'm not letting go of my goal of trying to find a female best friend who I really love, can relate to, and who has just as much fun with me as I with her. Honestly reading this it sounds sort of like I am searching for the perfect partner and since I already hit the jackpot once in that regard, I totally accept that this time around it will probably be a little more difficult and take a bit longer. However I think some things are slowly starting to turn in my favor, for example...
The average German female I meet in my age range (lets say within 6 years of me) has normally been in a completely different spot in life, and can't really relate to me already being married and having a kid. Now don't get me wrong I still really like to go out, go drinking, go dancing, and in general do all the things I enjoyed doing before having Teddy but I can't really relate to someone with absolutely no responsibility in their life. Not that I can't enjoy hanging out with them, but in general I have always tended to be closest with people who could at least in many ways relate to me. But the situation is changing because I am getting older! Yep that's right I'm now closer to 30 then 20, which for most people wouldn't necessarily be a positive thing but for me I do think it absolutely increases my chances of meeting someone my age, with kids, with a long term partner, who shares similar interests, and who isn't 15 years my senior.
I have to interject here that I do have a lot of friends that are 10-15 years older then me, and I really enjoy them, and hopefully they me. However there are some things in which we just can't really relate to each other and which sometimes makes things harder. I mean who really wants to go out dancing with a girl 15 years your junior? Not me LOL. I get it. Of course they would never say it but in certain things you feel it.
So I have a plan for this year. One is to start being a bit more friendly at activities for Teddy and when we are out and about. Now normally I have my friends at things like children's gym, and I don't really interact with anyone else but I am going to try and be a bit more "Minnesotan nice" and start chit chatting with others when opportunities arise. Same thing goes for when I am at the park ,etc. I'm also going to try and start going to a few classes at the gym more regularly so I have a chance to get to know people better by showing up to the same course multiple times, instead of always switching around.
I'm also just going to chill because through the hubby and my own exploits I have managed to make quite a few friends and have exciting things like a girl's spa weekend, and a 3 family 4 day long weekend trip planned which is pretty impressive considering I came to Germany knowing all of 4 people. I also accept that my standards are kind of high for what I want in a good friend... although I have to say it is partially a culture thing too. I have a friend I met on an online message board from my home state. We met in real life and she was awesome! Honestly if I lived back home I am sure we would see each other often, and it was so easy. Reminding me that friendship doesn't have to be this thing that you constantly need to work at and which is difficult. I have another woman I met here from the US who unfortunately is only here for a year but once again hanging out with her and her son is just fun and easy and enjoyable. In some ways Americans are just more open then Germans so it is much easier to reach that level where you are just sitting around chatting about your life, or a TV show, or whatever. But that is no excuse for me.
So that was a ramble. Sorry! I'm going out to dinner with the hubby tonight and I am sure he is thrilled he isn't hearing it....again.
I've lived here for 7 1/2 years and I still don't have a "best friend" here. I'm thankful that in my time here I have managed to make some good friends. Friends that I enjoy hanging out with and chatting with. But I'll be honest and say I'm still on the search for a friend that would compare to the friendships I had back home in the States. Now there are quite a few reasons for this; different cultures, ex-pats often only here for short periods of time, twenties are a period of transition for lots of people, etc. This is also something I am alright with and I really have made some awesome friends here both German and not who I really enjoy. However I'm not letting go of my goal of trying to find a female best friend who I really love, can relate to, and who has just as much fun with me as I with her. Honestly reading this it sounds sort of like I am searching for the perfect partner and since I already hit the jackpot once in that regard, I totally accept that this time around it will probably be a little more difficult and take a bit longer. However I think some things are slowly starting to turn in my favor, for example...
The average German female I meet in my age range (lets say within 6 years of me) has normally been in a completely different spot in life, and can't really relate to me already being married and having a kid. Now don't get me wrong I still really like to go out, go drinking, go dancing, and in general do all the things I enjoyed doing before having Teddy but I can't really relate to someone with absolutely no responsibility in their life. Not that I can't enjoy hanging out with them, but in general I have always tended to be closest with people who could at least in many ways relate to me. But the situation is changing because I am getting older! Yep that's right I'm now closer to 30 then 20, which for most people wouldn't necessarily be a positive thing but for me I do think it absolutely increases my chances of meeting someone my age, with kids, with a long term partner, who shares similar interests, and who isn't 15 years my senior.
I have to interject here that I do have a lot of friends that are 10-15 years older then me, and I really enjoy them, and hopefully they me. However there are some things in which we just can't really relate to each other and which sometimes makes things harder. I mean who really wants to go out dancing with a girl 15 years your junior? Not me LOL. I get it. Of course they would never say it but in certain things you feel it.
So I have a plan for this year. One is to start being a bit more friendly at activities for Teddy and when we are out and about. Now normally I have my friends at things like children's gym, and I don't really interact with anyone else but I am going to try and be a bit more "Minnesotan nice" and start chit chatting with others when opportunities arise. Same thing goes for when I am at the park ,etc. I'm also going to try and start going to a few classes at the gym more regularly so I have a chance to get to know people better by showing up to the same course multiple times, instead of always switching around.
I'm also just going to chill because through the hubby and my own exploits I have managed to make quite a few friends and have exciting things like a girl's spa weekend, and a 3 family 4 day long weekend trip planned which is pretty impressive considering I came to Germany knowing all of 4 people. I also accept that my standards are kind of high for what I want in a good friend... although I have to say it is partially a culture thing too. I have a friend I met on an online message board from my home state. We met in real life and she was awesome! Honestly if I lived back home I am sure we would see each other often, and it was so easy. Reminding me that friendship doesn't have to be this thing that you constantly need to work at and which is difficult. I have another woman I met here from the US who unfortunately is only here for a year but once again hanging out with her and her son is just fun and easy and enjoyable. In some ways Americans are just more open then Germans so it is much easier to reach that level where you are just sitting around chatting about your life, or a TV show, or whatever. But that is no excuse for me.
So that was a ramble. Sorry! I'm going out to dinner with the hubby tonight and I am sure he is thrilled he isn't hearing it....again.
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