Wordless Wednesday

Life in Germany: You won't get that for free

This is so banal and random that I often forget about it completely but it comes down to what we as Americans are used to getting for free; condiments at a fast food restaurant, tap water everywhere, use of bathroom facilities, a refill on our soda or coffee. And what Germans are used to getting for free: nothing.

I'm exaggerating a little but the whole idea of the customer being king is most definitely not German, and in general customer service is something which while improving is just not particularly good.

Things like condiments at a place like Mickey D's normally cost 30 cents. That's right 30 cents for one of those small packets of ketchup that people take by the fistful in the U.S.. You might get one for free if you ordered some type of "meal" but want anymore and you get to pay up.

Free refills don't exist. You also won't ever get a glass of water for free when you sit down for a meal at a restaurant. If you are thirsty you get to order a glass of mineral water. Of course you are allowed to ask for tap water but the chances are 50/50 that they will actually give you one for free. A nice bottomless cup of coffee? Dream on my friend.

The bathroom issue is another pain. Now in any establishment like a restaurant you of course aren't paying a cent but at a mall, gas station, zoo, etc there will normally be someone who cleans the bathrooms with a plate set out for expected tips of about 50 cents. Now in some cases you can choose not to pay and just get a dirty glare, but in other places it is all automated and you won't be able to get to the bathroom without paying. The problem with these tips are that in some cases- often at malls, there is a person standing at the table for tips who has nothing to do with cleaning the bathrooms, the money is going straight to mall management.Or a place like the zoo, I pay a large sum of money for a yearly membership, there is no way I am going to pay to use the restroom.  I won't pay these ones, but for the ones where I see them cleaning the bathrooms I don't mind paying the tip, although it drove me crazy when I first moved here.

The nice thing about this is it forces us to be a bit more aware of how much we are eating and drinking, and we often have small change with us. The bad thing, sometimes it would just be nice to have that bottomless beverage!

Motherhood, friendships, and a ramble

I'm a young mother for Germany. I was 24 when Teddy was born and I will be 26 when baby number 2 arrives.   Now for the USA that is on the earlyish side but for most towns still totally normal. For Germany, especially a big city, it is weird. Weirder still is that I am married and have been since I was 22. The average age for a German to get married is 30 and the average age to have a first child is 30. But of course averages are funny things so in an affluent area you see many, many moms with young children in their early to mid 40s. Nothing wrong with that of course. But when it comes to trying to make friends it can be hard.

I've lived here for 7 1/2 years and I still don't have a "best friend" here. I'm thankful that in my time here I have managed to make some good friends. Friends that I enjoy hanging out with and chatting with. But I'll be honest and say I'm still on the search for a friend that would compare to the friendships I had back home in the States.  Now there are quite a few reasons for this; different cultures, ex-pats often only here for short periods of time, twenties are a period of transition for lots of people, etc. This is also something I am alright with and I really have made some awesome friends here both German and not who I really enjoy. However I'm not letting go of my goal of trying to find a female best friend who I really love, can relate to, and who has just as much fun with me as I with her. Honestly reading this it sounds sort of like I am searching for the perfect partner and since I already hit the jackpot once in that regard, I totally accept that this time around it will probably be a little more difficult and take a bit longer. However I think some things are slowly starting to turn in my favor, for example...

The average German female I meet in my age range (lets say within 6 years of me) has normally been in a completely different spot in life, and can't really relate to me already being married and having a kid. Now don't get me wrong I still really like to go out, go drinking, go dancing, and in general do all the things I enjoyed doing before having Teddy but I can't really relate to someone with absolutely no responsibility in their life. Not that I can't enjoy hanging out with them, but in general I have always tended to be closest with people who could at least in many ways relate to me. But the situation is changing because I am getting older! Yep that's right I'm now closer to 30 then 20, which for most people wouldn't necessarily be a positive thing but for me I do think it absolutely increases my chances of meeting someone my age, with kids, with a long term partner, who shares similar interests, and who isn't 15 years my senior.

I have to interject here that I do have a lot of friends that are 10-15 years older then me, and I really enjoy them, and hopefully they me. However there are some things in which we just can't really relate to each other and which sometimes makes things harder. I mean who really wants to go out dancing with a girl 15 years your junior? Not me LOL. I get it. Of course they would never say it but in certain things you feel it.

So I have a plan for this year. One is to start being a bit more friendly at activities for Teddy and when we are out and about. Now normally I have my friends at things like children's gym, and I don't really interact with anyone else but I am going to try and be a bit more "Minnesotan nice" and start chit chatting with others when opportunities arise. Same thing goes for when I am at the park ,etc. I'm also going to try and start going to a few classes at the gym more regularly so I have a chance to get to know people better by showing up to the same course multiple times, instead of always switching around.

I'm also just going to chill because through the hubby and my own exploits I have managed to make quite a few friends and have exciting things like a girl's spa weekend, and a 3 family 4 day long weekend trip planned which is pretty impressive considering I came to Germany knowing all of 4 people. I also accept that my standards are kind of high for what I want in a good friend... although I have to say it is partially a culture thing too. I have a friend I met on an online message board from my home state. We met in real life and she was awesome! Honestly if I lived back home I am sure we would see each other often, and it was so easy. Reminding me that friendship doesn't have to be this thing that you constantly need to work at and which is difficult. I have another woman I met here from the US who unfortunately is only here for a year but once again hanging out with her and her son is just fun and easy and enjoyable. In some ways Americans are just more open then Germans so it is much easier to reach that level where you are just sitting around chatting about your life, or a TV show, or whatever. But that is no excuse for me.

So that was a ramble. Sorry! I'm going out to dinner with the hubby tonight and I am sure he is thrilled he isn't hearing it....again.

Life in Germany: The Movies

Going to the movies is a special treat especially once you have children but what many of you might not know is that it is totally different in Germany. First off, you get assigned seats! Yep that is right, no showing up to the movie an hour early to get your favorite seat, as you will be assigned one when you buy your ticket. There are normally two cost levels. The cheaper seats are located closer to the screen and the more expensive seats are higher up. Then they are simply labeled with an A-Z for rows and numbers for the individual seats. At first I hated this system and found it stressful and annoying but then the online reservation systems became popular and now I love it. I buy my tickets online, pick the perfect seat, and then show up to the movie just a minute or two before starting time, knowing that I will be sitting just where I want....knowing that my seat neighbors won't be obnoxious is another story however.

So after you deal with the whole seat issue you go to the concession stand and find out that Germans have totally different movie snacking habits. First off they eat their popcorn sweet, not salty. In fact most Germans find salty popcorn disgusting and my husband almost barfed when he watched me add sweet fake buttery oil goodness to my popcorn in the States followed by some cheese powder which probably contained 0.1% actual cheese.

They also love sweets and often have bins full of different types of gummy bears, sweet and sours candies, and licorice (real salty black licorice not the crazy strawberry twizzler stuff- this is probably another post in its own actually) which you can then mix yourself and which is then weighed at the register and you pay based on grams. Finally they have nachos, now I know we also have nachos in the States but I can't remember ever ordering them at the movies nor do I ever remember seeing anyone I know order them but here they are a big thing. And I have to admit that is one thing they have gotten right. Now I won't mention that most of the movie theaters here import their nacho cheese sauce from an American company, although they do. I will just say that even though I haven't gotten into the sweet popcorn, I have completely gotten on the nacho train.

It has also been one pregnancy craving which I can actually make happen without flying back to the States, and that I can even make at home so win/win for me!

Expensive ticket prices, obnoxious teens/adults, sometimes 30+ minutes of previews/ads, and concession prices which you make you wonder why you even decided to go to the movies are the same as in the States though.

Deutsch Donnerstag aka German Thursday

I thought it might be interesting to talk about some of the ways life in Germany is different then in the States especially as it pertains to motherhood. Since we just went through the process of finding a  "Tagesmutter"= "day mother"= "Childcare". I thought I could start with that.

*Here in Germany everyone is encouraged to send their child to a Kindegarten at the age of 3. This is paid for partially by the government (how much the government pays depends on how much you earn but by the age of three everyone gets at least some money towards it) and you can choose any kindergarten you like. As you can probably tell Kindergarten here means something similar to pre-school in the U.S.. There are long waiting lists so most people start looking for a kindergarten 1-2 years before they actually need to send their child to one. Of course you can wait but then your chances of getting into the one you want are much lower.

Before the age of three there is a mixture of what you can do. In the first year most parents have either the mother or father stay home. The government pays for 1 year of "Elternzeit"= parent time, so that all parents have this option. There is a formula for how much money you get a month which is basically 67% of what you earned in the last 12 months before the baby was born however not less then 300 a month and not more then 1,800 Euros a month. 

Everyone here also receives "Kindergeld"= Children's Money every month until the child is 18 which is just a monthly amount of money from the government to help pay for things for the child. For the first and second child you get 184 Euros, the 3rd you get 190 Euros a month, and for every child after that 215 Euros a month- but the birth rate here is very low so the chances of seeing a family with even more then 2 kids is pretty low. However all this support means that almost no one has to give their child to a daycare or child minder until the child is 9-15 months old. This also means that if you do want to start working sooner and have your child go to daycare before they are a year old that it can be quite hard to find a daycare which accepts younger babies.

So after the first year many families go back to having both parents work, although often one person only works half time. Between the ages of 0-3 parents can choose between a Tagesmutter=One person watching no more then 4 children in their home or a KiTA (Kindertageseinrichtung)= Daycare (most are owned by the government but there are also private ones and ones organized by parent initiatives).

We decided that we thought having Teddy go to a Tagesmutter would be great. They are more flexible with hours- we only wanted him to go for 2-3 days a week, which probably wouldn't have been possible at a KiTA, and we wanted him to be at first only with a few children in a home environment. 

But then came the hard part- actually finding one. I'll explain how that went in my next post on Germany.

*Obviously there are exceptions and lots of rules and guidelines and forms to be filled out for all of the different government funded programs, so everything I am saying is true in most cases but there are of course exceptions for how this all works.

White Bread

Germany is a land known for its breads, rolls, and bakeries. Dinner here is even called Abendbrot = Evening Bread, and traditional families do in fact eat bread with meats and cheeses for dinner.

I think this picture sums up what I think about that. Try to ignore the delightful boy who for once isn't frowning for the camera and zoom in on the bread.

That is crustless white bread.  I think I am the only person who buys it. I mean most people here don't even buy bread at the grocery store.

I love the stuff. I love that is has absolutely no nutritional value, is soft and squishy, it is Germany so it doesn't have preservatives but you can't have everything in life. I love that as an adult I no longer have to pretend to like crusts just because they are good for me.

Of course I know I could buy normal bread and cut the crusts off but then I feel like I am wasting. While I am sure the company does exactly the same thing, maybe they feed the excess crusts to unicorns, or use them to create cheap building materials- clearly the sky is the limit when it comes to crust possibilities.

Teddy of course will never be allowed this bread. He'll have to suffer through grainy bread with nuts and oat flakes and icky crusts, just like I did.Only then can you truly appreciate the white bread goodness. Besides growing bones need healthy nutrient full food,which you only get in whole grain bread ... and most especially the crusts. Well that is what I'll say at least.