Almost a year

Time is passing so quickly and it sometimes makes me wonder how I will feel when I look back and realize that I went weeks without taking pictures, or jotting down the events of Ferdi's first year. Right now every day just seems so full of the good, challenging, and in-between that sitting down to write about it just seems like such a waste of precious moments which can be spent with my husband, or with myself delving into a good book, or scanning the internet for ideas for our new abode.

Life is really full and I am so appreciative that I have such a wonderful family. My mom is always there full of support for me and all that I am doing no matter how far away she is. And soon she is coming again for one of her visits which totally excites the children and I, and of course makes me wish that we had her closer all of the time, but also makes me thankful that we are able to enjoy weeks of her company every year.

Ferdi is in some ways so different from Theo, he still isn't crawling just pulling himself forward using his arms while one of his legs stays perpetually bent. He also pulls himself up solely using his arm strength and hasn't really figured out how to get back down, he isn't cruising the furniture yet and just wobbles to and fro as if he hasn't yet understood that his feet and legs have a purpose :)

He is still so good natured and so easily entertained when he has access to his brother's toys, and can pull pots out of his toy kitchen and throw them on the floor, or "play" with the cars at the toy garage. He has his two bottom center teeth and his two top center teeth are coming in now. He doesn't seem to like getting new teeth very much and is definitely more fussy and has more trouble sleeping than normal.

He absolutely loves being around his brother and his face literally lights up when he comes into the room. He also bursts into tears when Theo goes to daycare in the morning. For the most part they already play really well together although sometimes Ferdi just ruins whatever Teddy is working on which can be frustrating for both of them.

They are sharing a room now and for the most part it is going really well. I seem to remember 12-18 months being sort of a pain with Theo's sleep with early wake ups due to teething and random annoyances and Ferdi seems to be going through that now, which means that he wakes up Theo up early as well. It isn't ideal but I think it is a phase that will be over quick. They don't seem to wake each other up in the middle of the night no matter how loud they can be which is good, and I think in the end it will be such a fun nice situation for them for the next few years.

I'm really happy right now even though I think I had sort of thought I would be a little less tired and a bit more on top of things by this point. I think a lot comes down to Ferdi being at that weird age where he can't walk, talk, or really do all that much but he is aware of all that he could be doing and he really wants to. I imagine it will all smooth itself out in the coming half a year and hopefully by Christmas I will really feel like having two is a breeze :D 

9 Months

Ferdinand is so lovely.  We were out on Saturday and the whole day he seemed a bit off, was just fussing a bit and didn't seem content. The hubby and I could not figure out what was wrong, and kept looking to see if the first tooth had magically popped through. It hadn't. Then that night he had a fever and it all made sense. That is the type of baby Ferdinand is- he has a day where he is a little fussy and we wonder what is wrong with him. He is just so relaxed and calm that the time flies by and I realize I have taken only 4 pictures of him in the whole month and written nothing down which has happened. But I am enjoying the here and now and while I might not have perfect records in 20 years I will be able to look back and remember that I was very happy with my lovely little boy. Here is what he is up to...

-We weaned. Only on 2-3 bottles now and the rest is table food. He didn't seem to mind at all and was happy to switch over to bottles full time.

-He's sleeping through from 6:30/7 to 6:30. Same bedtime routine as Teddy minus the book. I'm planning on putting them in the same room in the coming months.

-No teeth yet.

-No pulling up, no trying to stand, no trying to crawl on all fours. Perfectly content to just army crawl everywhere.

-Sits but is wobbly and can't pull himself up to sitting.

-Really loves spending time with his brother.

-Takes 2 naps and never falls asleep in the stroller.

-Loves to take baths and splash in the water.

Army Crawling

A week before Ferdi turns 9 months and we have army crawling!!! Plus I could have sworn there was one "mama" called out although it was never repeated and was more like a whine/yelp so probably not.

P.S. Three year olds can be really, really, really terrible people....and then 5 minutes later the cutest little things you ever did see. It's a good thing most parents seem to keep this special phase a secret to themselves as it is a real joy to experience it first hand without any warning of its coming.

Forgot the most important part

A picture of the two cuties...

8 Months!!!

Wow! Just wow! Time is just flying by and things are going so well with two of the cutest kids on the planet. Teddy is three now and just so much fun to be around. But three is definitely a whole new ball game, our cute little boy who never had a real problem with listening before is now really starting to test boundaries and make us really work at the whole parenting thing! Thankfully I am halfway prepared and have been rereading Positive Discipline for the Pre-school years and the hubby and I are even doing an online parenting class from the author of the Positive Discipline books which really helps us feel like we at least have a plan and some support. Now to just start actually implementing what we learn!

Ferdi is so great. Absolutely love watching him grow and just being around him makes you want to smile. He isn't crawling, just pushing himself around in circles, but he is in a great mood while doing so, and I don't mind not having to baby-proof everything yet. He still loves food but wishes he could feed himself so I am trying to let him do that as much as possible. I still nurse him in the morning, after naps, and before bed at 6:30/7:00 and then he sleeps until 5 where I nurse him again and then he goes back to sleep until about 7. We dropped the last night feed right before 9 months with Theo so I would like to do the same with Ferdi in a month. But overall I am super happy with the whole sleep and feeding situation, he is just so uncomplicated.

Ferdi and Teddy are also so sweet and loving with each other, I think it is luck that Teddy just has experienced almost no jealousy but I really appreciate it. He oftentimes just walks over to him and tries to play with him, gives him a toy, etc. I'm looking forward to watching this relationship grow!

My experiences with motherhood this time around have been so much more relaxed and enjoyable. I think partly because I am more relaxed and know what to expect but also because Ferdi just has a personality which makes things easy. He rarely fusses or cries and just observes the world around him, he also has a great little chuckle which we love, and a smile which he makes you work for- although Teddy seems to get a smile the easiest out of him.

He doesn't have any teeth, he has a little hair, and a little chub- just perfect, and similar to Theo except about 5 pounds lighter LOL.

I haven't been writing a lot just because life is busy and enjoyable and I try not to spend much time on the PC. But I do want to have some of these memories written down because I know how quickly we forget the funny little details which make us laugh, scream, or cry now.

Life is good!

Almost 6 months!

I have read before that with kids the days can be long but the years are short and it is so true, and right now even the days are flying by.

I have two wonderful little boys and a great husband that take up most of my time and they are all helping to make this current phase of my life really enjoyable.

Teddy is doing so good. He transitioned to KITA- which is short for "Kindertagesstätte" or Kindergarten but would relate most closely to our American pre-schools or structured daycare. He went from being around only 3-4 other children for 5 hours 3 days a week to going to a big old villa with 3 stories, and what will end up being about 50 children altogether (although they will be separated into groups of 8-12). However this Kita has just opened so when Teddy started in January they were just 8 children which has made the adjustment go even smoother. They do such a fantastic job and we are really happy that we were able to get him in, as finding spots in the city can be quite difficult. One of my favorite parts is that they have a male teacher who is just wonderful. He actually is a qualified sports grade school teacher which fits perfectly with Teddy. All of the teachers are also very young and dynamic and never seem to let all the little ones phase them. Needless to say Teddy seems even more like a "big kid" now, as his vocabulary expands every day, and as the way he interacts with others becomes more and more cooperative.

Ferdi is just the sweetest thing ever. He rarely cries, he loves to just look around, and he just fits so well into the family. Two weeks ago I also started feeding him solids thinking it would take quite awhile for him to get the hang of it and he is already eating 4 meals a day! He eats a milk-rice porridge morning and night, and has a veggie/carb (but no grain) meal for lunch and often times a snack of fruit in the afternoon. The fact that he is eating so well has also allowed me to feel comfortable weaning him for the night so he is now going as long as 11 hours in the night without breastfeeding. He still wakes 1-2 times often in the night but just going in and giving him a pat is enough for him to fall back asleep. I'm hoping to work on the night wakings in the coming weeks and have him truly sleeping through the night very soon. I know from Teddy that a full night's sleep is the most important thing for me to get my energy back and to start truly feeling like myself again, so it is definitely a priority for all of us. Although so far he has made things so easy for us that I can't complain and don't imagine that the day where I get a nice 6 or 7 hour stretch of sleep again will be so far off in the future. He still nurses during the day and I think with the milk meals in the morning and night he should be getting more then enough milk altogether. His face and body have chubbed out considerably so I think it was definitely a good choice for us to make.

The weather is cold, rainy, and gray here so we are all really looking forward to spring. Teddy's birthday is coming up and now that one of his teachers plays a guitar and sings every morning at Kita he wants only a "eetarre"="Gitarre"="guitar".

Me with my boys

Hanging out in Ferdi's bed

Teddy dressed up for Carnival!

A few awesome things according to Teddy

A few awesome things according to Teddy.
Teddy is a little over two and a half years old now and I feel like I should mention a bit of what he is up to.

-Construction Sites
This one has been popular for a while now with no signs of diminishing in popularity. Have you ever watched construction workers at a site for over half an hour a few times a week? I have. So have Teddy's babysitters. The best items are cranes (Teddy delights in being a crane while doing normal day to day activities as well), diggers, and people hammering (BANG BANG).

-ROARING
Teddy isn't into animals. At all. I know this because we have a yearly zoo pass and he literally only wants to go to the playground there, play with the real safari jeep in one of the food areas, and talk about riding the antique cars which he never gets to ride. He has never once asked to look at an animal, take a closer look at an animal, or not leave an animals area- in fact his most frequent comment is "weitergehen" (roughly translated: lets keep going) However he does like animal sounds due to some books he has- and all animals roar. Now he does the right sound Woof Woof, Meow,etc but he somehow makes it into a roar- it is awesome.

-Telling us what we are doing right at this very moment and then repeating it over and over again until one of us confirms what he just said by saying, "yes you are right that is what we are doing".
This happens literally hundreds of times a day. Some favorites "nicht dünkel" "nicht dünkel" "jetzt nicht schlafen gehen" (not dark, not dark, now it isn't time to sleep-this isn't said in a negative way just as a statement which must be confirmed) "baby weint" (the baby is crying- always fun to confirm this over the baby's high pitched screams).

-Na?
A German phrase which basically means "well!/?" but which Teddy constantly uses after every phrase. It is very cute and I am hoping it naturally goes away because no one uses it as much as he does but he definitely isn't aware he is using it so I don't know how in the world I would teach him to stop.

-Laufrad
Riding on his balance bike is one of his favorite things to do and he is really good at it. Like I can't watch because I am sure if he goes down that skate ramp any faster he might die, good.

-"Monkey show"
For a long time Teddy would only watch the show "Max and Ruby" . This was annoying for me because I have only been able to find two seasons of it, so I was stuck watching the same episodes over and over and over again. Now Teddy likes "Curious George" which he calls the "monkey show" and I get to spend time watching one of my favorite childhood characters on the little screen. If I am going to be watching toddler TV this is one show I don't mind.

- Gummy bears, fruit snacks, cookies, cake
I don't know how it happened, if it is related to personality, or what, but Teddy really likes sweets. If he sees some he wants them and will actually try to take a piece of your cake from your plate if he has already finished his and you have some left. Not so amusing in front of company.

-Trains
Trains are still one of the greatest things ever and thankfully since we live in the city, subways are also considered trains. He loves riding trains, talking about trains, playing with his train table,etc.

-My husband and my husband's friends
Spending time with daddy is one of the best things ever. He delights in shutting the door in my face "Tschüüüüüsssss mama" (bye mom) and doing super secret awesome things with his dad. We also have a good friend who has come over to play with him a few times, and last time he actually started crying when he had to leave. I am clearly not first choice when it comes to playmates.However I also am no good at building forts and often veto things citing reasons such as danger and bodily harm so I understand. I'm still the only one who can bake cookies with him which assures that I will never fall too low in the rankings.

-Skyping with grandma
When we first started doing this, he really didn't know what was going on, but now he really enjoys talking to grandma and actually requests to skype with her sometimes. I find this to be super cute and I know it is great for their relationship.

Three months!

Ferdinand is three months today! Wow. I know I write this literally every post but things are so great when your baby doesn't have colic! I'm not even counting down the days until he is 4 months or 6 months or whatever magical age is supposed to be easier, because things are good.

I'm one of those incredibly lucky people for whom breastfeeding is easy, from the very beginning, and who fatten their babies up without trouble. This means that Ferdi is now slowly following in his brother's footsteps and is kind of big. Like wearing 6 month clothes big. I don't know how much he weighs but definitely not as much as his brother did at this time but definitely more then the average baby I think. I'll know next week at his next doctor's appointment.

He is cooing all the time which is pretty darn adorable. He is also drooling all the time which is less so. Especially because I am lazy and hate having to change his clothes all the time. I mean he wears pajamas two days in a row and during the day as well, because like I said I am lazy, and it isn't like he cares. Thankfully he never spits up so as long as he doesn't have an explosive diaper- speaking of which I totally forgot how awesome/gross newborn diapers are,every time he goes he gets this faraway glazed over expression and then sounds like he is having explosive diarrhea for a minute or two, which I guess he sometimes kind of is. Anyways it totally cracks me up but I realize it is probably a mom thing to think that which is why I won't be posting it on FB anytime soon or mentioning it here ever again. I promise.

He sleeps OK. In some ways I actually kind of preferred Teddy's sleeping because it went from sucking super hard, to being pretty great in comparison, to just actually being super amazing. Now Ferdinand can sleep alright by himself without any help from me which is different. For example if we put him down drowsy but not asleep he will often lay in his crib and then fall asleep. This is awesome. However his ideas about when he would like to be fed are not necessarily moving in the right direction. Although he has had a few nights where he has gone almost 7 hours between feeds (Oh my gosh what an amazing night that was, looking up at the alarm clock and seeing it was quarter to 4 in the morning...priceless!) he has also has recently expected to nurse every 3 hours which is not so enjoyable for me, and I think unnecessary for him unless he is going through a growth spurt. So now I am sort of trying to make a game plan (do I want to try dream feeds?, when do I ideally want his longest stretch?, do I want to introduce a bottle at bed time?,etc) because sleep is my baby obsession and I do believe that some of Teddy's awesome sleeping habits come from diligence and hard work on our part, and so I want to start helping Ferdinand get the best sleep he can. Right now he takes 3-4 naps a day without about an hour to an hour and a half wake time between the naps, and his bedtime is at 6-7pm depending on how naps went.

He and Teddy are so adorable together. Unfortunately he and Teddy are also sick together and it looks like the whole winter will be spent with illnesses being passed back and forth between all of us but they don't seem to mind too much. Teddy also will never stop giving him kisses, rubbing his face, and sticking his fingers all over him, (once even licking his face-eww) so I think it would be a waste of time to try and fight that losing battle.

Ferdi has great head control and can manage a few minutes on his stomach, head up, eyes alert before collapsing in defeat and starting to cry. Toys aren't too interesting yet but he is normally pretty calm if you talk to him especially in the morning.

So I've managed to write much more then I thought I would be able to about hitting the three month mark, as lets be honest he still really isn't doing much. But he is definitely being extra cute and helping me to see why some people like the newborn stages.

Oh and just like Teddy he rarely smiles and still has not giggled. Thankfully this time around it cracks me up instead of sort of worrying me that I got some serious sad baby who might be unhappy for life.

Saturday Morning

We're walking down the stairs to the stroller. I've taken Teddy's jacket, shoes, and hat hostage to ensure that he finally decides to come with instead of finding the 35th item which he suddenly needs to play with/look at/take down/ pull apart/take off. The baby is fussing/crying because he is tired and just wants to fall asleep which unfortunately isn't possible when I have to keep putting him down to convince his brother "to please just come down...now". We get downstairs and I realize that the double stroller hasn't been "winterized" yet and isn't set up for two, all this means is that I have to take the snow sack off the other stroller and put it on this stroller, take off the bassinet, and add the 2nd seat. Now altogether this should probably take about 1 minute but of course, because I am just trying to leave the house and go, and I am alone, it won't happen like that.

Teddy immediately starts trying to ride the neighbors bike which has training wheels, thankfully he is blocked by me taking apart the stroller. The baby starts screaming, wondering why in the world he is still not allowed to fall asleep yet. I try putting him down in the seat but then of course I have to take the seat off the stroller again because one of the buckles somehow is inaccessible and I need it to go through the snow sack. Teddy is currently trying to put his bigger seat on the stroller as well which means he might drop it on top of the baby at any moment. I put the baby on Teddy's jacket on the ground next to the steps, it looks completely uncomfortable and kind of dangerous so of course the baby instantly falls asleep. Teddy goes back to trying to ride the neighbor's bike while I sweat in my zipped up coat and try to stay calm. After about 10 minutes I've attached the 2nd seat with snow sack, the baby is buckled in, Teddy has a jacket, hat, and even shoes on, and his seat is also attached and we're ready to go. This is all that we have managed to do so far today and it is 10:30 in the morning. I've decided that breakfast, baths for both, and getting dressed don't count so i'm determined to get out of the house and run some errands, especially since Teddy has all of two diapers left and the stores are closed tomorrow.

Thankfully our morning after this point took a turn for the better. We got to all the stores we needed to, Teddy stayed sitting, the baby stayed sleeping, and I was able to get some exercise in by pushing the double stroller in the 36 degree weather. Speaking of which, thank you Germany for encouraging walking or biking to do the daily shopping, my body definitely appreciates the encouraged movement, and hopefully these baby pounds will continue to drop.

This morning when Teddy was doing his best to convince me not to like him at all, and the baby was just trying to cause early deafness I have to admit there were moments where I felt like crying because seriously do they not realize how difficult they can make simple easy tasks?!? But now this afternoon after enjoying a nice breakfast (we won't focus on the fact that it happened at 1:30 pm), watching the two of them "play" with each other, seeing them skype with grandma, and now enjoying the sounds of both children sleeping, I have to admit that I am more then ready for the afternoon to come.

Kind of Wordless Wednesday

Woah, when did I have a little kid and what happened to my toddler?

Growth Spurts

My husband likes to laugh at me when I talk about growth spurts, especially because during these first months they seem to be happening like every other day. However I had completely forgotten that growth spurts can turn normal babies into crazy little demon babies that are nothing like their normal selves. We just had our 3 month one (I think, guess, hope!) and for 4 days all Ferdi did was cry and sleep, and scream. It was....a special time. It totally brought back memories of Teddy and made me realize how much easier baby stuff is when you don't have to scream to be heard over the baby and how lucky, lucky, lucky I was to have a baby who wasn't normally like this. I never knew when Teddy was having a growth spurt because nothing changed whatsoever. This time it is totally different. Hey the baby wants to nurse a ton, is super fussy, and is sleeping less- must be a growth spurt. A few days later- hey the baby is nursing nicely, looking around pleasantly when awake, and sleeping nice stretches - must be my super awesome normal baby.

We just got back from our first vacation with both boys and it went great. I forgot the sun hood for the stroller so we had to improvise

and the boys were adorable and had a good time... except for that whole growth spurt thing.

As you can tell I am once again going against the German advice of never ever propping up my children before they can sit on their own. According to them this will lead to less intelligent children, serious back problems, and children who will probably not succeed in life. I'm such a bad ass. And a terrible mom. Who doesn't care- which I guess probably makes me even worse.

Oh no 2 month update

I was reading old posts and really enjoyed the monthly updates I had written with Teddy. I couldn't believe how much I had forgotten (basically everything) and I resolved that I had to start writing these updates for Ferdinand as well. Hopefully I can one day get my act together and make all these posts into a book, and then I will always have the memories which are so quickly forgotten.

So 2 months let's see... not a very exciting time I must say. Nursing has been nice and easy from the very beginning with this one, which is similar to Teddy. I knew that once my milk came in everything would be golden and it was. The nurse at the hospital tried to scare me about the 10% weight loss, but I knew that I had nothing to fear. When Ferdi gained just about a pound in a little over a week my midwife said I really didn't need to worry about him getting enough milk even if he doesn't take that long to nurse from each side. So I spend pretty much no time at all thinking about that.

Smiles... smiles...we've seen a few but not many. No giggles. Our favorite expressions from Ferdi right now are ones which seem to express surprise and discombobulation. Seriously he looks kooky and like a mad scientist and it cracks us up.

Thankfully although he doesn't often smile he also doesn't cry too much. As long as I get him back to sleep quickly enough he tends to be content to just gaze into space and let his brother "play" with him.

Speaking of brothers, his loves him already. They can't do much together but Teddy tries to incorporate him into his play as much as he can. I love that he has a sibling and the house is definitely a lot less quiet then it was with Theo.

I'm not sure how much he weighs although a week and a half ago he weighed about 12 pounds. He had his picture taken for his children's passport and it looks amazingly adorable. He still has blue eyes which don't seem to be changing although I know they still could.

His longest stretch of sleep seems to be about 4-5 hours although 4 is the norm, then 3 hour stretches for the rest of the night. Since my first child's sleeping sucked I appreciate this and can work with it for a few more months. What I LOVE is that he can sleep not on me. Wow! I can actually do stuff during his naps, and we just moved him to a crib for the first stretch of the night and that is going really well too. It is crazy to have a baby where stuff like swaddling actually does something.

I love him. I love him and his brother together. I love watching him, his brother, and his father together. I love this little family of ours so much and I am so glad everything has worked out so well for us so far. Now I just need to convince my lovely husband to have one more and I will feel totally complete ;)

Keeping it real

Rereading my last post, I realized that I might have made things sound just a bit more delightful then they actually are. As though Teddy, Ferdi and I spend most of our time frolicking and giggling...which would probably just creep me out to be honest. I still have a 2 1/2 year old and a baby, and get to deal with all of the fun which that entails.

I am big on sleep. I spent a lot of time working on Theo's schedule and sleep and I am proud that he is an amazing sleeper now and has been for quite a long time. I'm also already working on the baby's sleep. Right now that means watching wake times and trying to keep him up no longer then an hour stretch during the day. Now with one child this is kind of feasible with two.. not so much.

That means that if the timing is off and the baby becomes a bit overtired we all get to listen to Ferdi scream in the car on the ride back from picking Teddy up from daycare. Then we get to listen to Ferdi scream while we unload the car, and while I convince Teddy that we don't have time for him to "drive" up front. We get to listen to him scream while I convince Teddy to put back his balance bike and to put down the bike pump. We get to listen to him scream while I carry him, the groceries, Teddy's hat and jacket which he no longer wants to wear, and my purse up the four flights of stairs to the flat.All the while convincing Teddy not to ring neighbor's door bells, try on other peoples shoes, or go back downstairs to go outside. Of course my tone stays calm and quiet as I playfully encourage Teddy to keep going while the baby literally screams at the top of his lungs (he is bright red and sweating by this point). My midwife once remarked that Ferdi was pretty loud, uhm aren't all babies I asked? No apparently not, some babies are quiet, probably the same ones who just grunt when they are hungry and sleep 8 hour stretches by the time they are 4 weeks.

Of course we manage to get upstairs and 95% of the time I actually am still a pleasant person to be around. The baby gets nursed to sleep and put in the swing, Teddy gets some one on one attention, and if my husband is lucky I even get started on making some sort of dinner but in those 15 minutes before peace hits there is definitely no frolicking going on.

A little update

I haven't been posting that often lately and thankfully it is because I have been good busy and not totally stressed out. Ferdinand turned 8 weeks on Friday and I can't believe how fast time is going. Having two kids has been a change but with lots of help it has been a really positive one for the most part. We are still so lucky and dealing with no jealousy from Theo and I think a lot of that has to do with how much one on one time he still gets.

He has been spending more time with extended family, but we also have been using babysitters and daycare more as well which I think is beneficial not only for him but also for me as it means less time where I need to stretch myself and try to take care of a baby and a toddler. For example today a babysitter picked him up from daycare and takes him to toddler gym. He loves toddler gym but the baby isn't sleeping regularly enough for me to be able to bring him and assume he will sleep the whole time while I do gym with Teddy, so instead someone else goes to gym with him. He actually really loves this, and I think it is great for him to have time where he doesn't need to wait for me to nurse, etc and his needs just get to come first.

In fact in some ways it is strange how little life has changed...besides the whole lack of sleep thing. We are still doing most of the things we did as a family of three which is great. I'm getting a manicure and pedicure this weekend as my first longer period of time alone from both boys and I think it will be really nice. I also managed a weekend alone with both boys two weeks ago and was pleased at how well it went. So all in all life is good.

This time around

So this time around is different, which should be obvious- or in the words of a good friend, "No shit, Sherlock". Speaking of which the BBC Sherlock is so fantastic! I was holding up hope that the American version would at least be decent to help me deal with the long wait for new episodes with Benedict but unfortunately the first episode didn't hook me but I will give it another chance. What was I saying? Oh yeah this time is different, so different.

I never thought that something like colic could really have affected me so much but it did. I think if you have a "normal" baby you maybe can't imagine what it is like to have a baby who really cries all the time. Who never lets you put him down, who genuinely seems unhappy with life and most certainly with you, is like. But I can let you in on a little secret, it sucks.
Sure you tell yourself it is all worth it, and thank the stars the baby is cute, and he'll outgrow it - which of course is all true but you know what? Bonding is a whole lot easier when you can look in your baby's eyes and they aren't all scrunched up with tears clinging to their cheeks due to screaming. The first weeks are a whole lot more enjoyable when you can hand the baby to a relative or a friend and eat something in peace, let alone being able to put the baby down in the first place.

This time around I got that "normal" baby, and let me tell you, it is awesome. Sure he still cries sometimes, especially if he has to wait to be fed- but those are the breaks of not being the first, he also gets lots of sloppy kisses from his brother to make up for it. I love that I am not at the limits of exhaustion because this time I do get sleep. Ferdi does 3 hour stretches at night next to me in bed, and a few 1-2+ hour naps during the day... and normally not on me! Normally in his bassinet, sometimes in the car, stroller, or in the wrap. Until 4 months Teddy never did any sleep not on me and his normal stretch was 90 minutes so this is pretty much life changing for me.

Ferdi looks around when he is awake, sure he sometimes cries, but often not. Once again this was a complete shock. I honestly did not think baby's could be awake without crying. Obviously I saw that other people's babies did this but I kind of just couldn't accept that could be possible as it was so different from my reality. Ferdi also gave me his first smile at 4 weeks he hasn't smiled much since then but it was a fantastic little smile to see.

My midwife mentioned that she thought it was too bad that our first baby was such a challenge since our midwife at the time was no support at all but honestly I think it was such an important experience. First of all because nothing seems particularly difficult in comparison but also because it allowed me to quickly realize that we can decide how our children effect us. I don't need to take on my children's emotions, and I can still be perfectly happy even if they are not. I'm responsible for loving them, giving them a good home, and helping the learn the skills to be independent, all the other stuff comes down to them.

You might be wondering how this relates to colic and newborns but it does. Basically I could have been miserable those first 4 months with Teddy wondering what I was doing so wrong to make him so sad. But I wasn't (well OK I was but I was really, really, tired) however I did quickly realize that I wasn't to blame for his lack of lust for the world. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I couldn't do any more then I was. The same is true this time around. When Ferdi has a rough day and decides to cry for awhile during the witching hours, I rock him and get on with my night. I don't worry whether I ate something wrong, or if his onesie is itchy, or he doesn't like the music playing. Not because I don't care for his comfort- I do. But because I realize that all these things are probably not a problem or he would have started crying much earlier. Babies cry, as I learned all so well the first time around, and the best thing I can do is simply love him and get on with my day.

An author I like, Dr. Marc Weissbluth says of the first weeks, "Try not to think of doing things to or for the baby. Instead, take time to enjoy doing things with your baby." That is what I have been doing these past almost 6 weeks. I have been doing things with Ferdi and Teddy and my lovely husband and enjoying myself immensely. This time is wonderful and beautiful and I feel so lucky to get to experience it with both my children. I can genuinely say that I am happy right now, if not a little tired.

Wordless Wednesday

Top Ten Tuesday: Surprises as a new mom to 2

Top Ten Tuesday: My top ten surprises as a new mom to two

10: Babies or at least my new one, go to the bathroom all the time! I do not know how I forgot about changing diapers a zillion times a day but it was definitely a surprise to me. My favorite is changing his diaper just to have him go again 30 seconds later.

9: Baby screams are so loud- but surprisingly easy to ignore the second time around. I remember with Teddy that the second he made a sound the hubby and I were at a mad dash to try and help him out. This time around it is like- dude I know you are a teensy bit unhappy right at this moment but you your big brother is brushing teeth so you are going to have to wait a minute.

8. The weight hasn't melted off. I wasn't expecting to have lost all of it by now... oh wait yes I was! I think it is taking longer because this time around I am making sure to make time to eat. I won't start hitting the gym again until 4 months, so I better get used to wearing the pregnancy pants for awhile longer.

7. My children hate the co-sleeper. What is up with this? At least this one will sleep in his bassinet during the day but at night the co-sleeper is a no-go, thankfully there is room in bed for all of us and I have never had a problem with co-sleeping.

6. Getting two kids under 3 out the door quickly is hard. I know every mom told me this before so it shouldn't be a surprise, but it is.

5. This is a lot more fun the second time around. I am so much less stressed and less worried and am able to just enjoy this time much more then with Teddy- although Ferdi not having colic helps a LOT too.

4. Babies without colic rock! Seriously life is so much more pleasant with a baby who does not cry all the time, and those silly 5 S's which never worked with Teddy actually work with this one. Crazy!

3. Going without a 5+ hour chunk of sleep still totally drives me crazy. Was hoping that I was now such a zen mom that this wouldn't bother me, nope it still does.

2. Babies have so much stuff. I had completely forgotten how much "gear" babies have. Or at least how much stuff I bought for Teddy and now have brought up from the basement. Way too much, and I don't even have the toys for older babies like activity blanket or playpen up yet.

1. Giving Teddy a brother was awesome not just for us but for him- he absolutely loves his little brother and so far there has been no jealousy, which has been the best surprise of all.

My not so secret, secret.

So I had a baby. You probably guessed it by now. Ferdinand was born at 39 weeks 4 days and was perfect... of course.

He was 55cm which is the same length as his brother and was 8 pounds 9 ounces. Quite a nice step down from the 10 pound birth weight of his brother.

My birth was awesome! At 6 am contractions started, they were coming every 3-7 minutes and were about 30 seconds to a min long. They were so doable. I listened to my hypnobabies tracks and just kept waiting for "real labor" to start. I was joking around with my husband, walking around the flat, checking things on google- like apparently real labor happens when the contractions are more evenly spaced. Then I took a nice hot shower at around 10:30 am and everything stopped. I was bummed out, as I had hoped real labor would start soon. My husband and I decided to go for a walk which was lovely. We laughed and talked and I started having contractions again, although they were quite short and I was almost able to just walk through them. We called my doctor to ask if I should come in as it was a Friday or head to the hospital, they told us to go to the hospital.

So we contemplated eating lunch first but I decided that I wanted to just get it over with and then after I was sent home we could go out for lunch. I felt pretty embarrassed that labor probably wasn't going to start and that we had already sent my son to stay with my SIL, but what could we do. We headed to the hospital and I had DH leave my bag in the car since I wouldn't be needing it and we headed in. Contractions were happening again but weren't bad, when we got to labor and delivery I first was hooked up to a CTG and told they wanted to check the baby's heartbeat for half an hour. I wanted to stand or walk around but the portable CTG wasn't working and when I stood the other CTG machine was only taking my heartbeat. Of course this was first realized after about 20 minutes. By this time it was around 1:30pm and I was told to lay down for the 30 minute check, and then the contractions really started again. They were coming often and were pretty uncomfortable especially as I find laying is really just the absolute worst position for dealing with them.

The midwife came after the 30 minutes said the heartbeat was fantastic and did an internal check. When I asked if I would be sent home she looked at me with wide eyes and said I would be having the baby today. I was pretty surprised but was even more surprised when I asked for some drugs to ease the pain and she said no way- it is too late for that you are already at 8cm. I was SHOCKED. The labor had been SO easy up to that point especially before I was at the hospital. I couldn't believe I was at 8cm and I couldn't believe that no matter what there was no opportunity for me to get any sort of drugs. My last baby had been 10 pounds and a vacuum birth how in the world did she expect me to push this one out by myself?? I finally convinced her to at least give me a tylenol, which she did with a laugh and then she told me not only would I be having a baby today but I would be having the baby SOON. My last birth had been 26 hours with 2 hours of pushing so I just didn't believe her at all.

Unfortunately the baby was asynclitic (I had to look that up as I only know the German term) basically it just means the baby's head was turned to the side and that it wouldn't go down. I had a lot of amniotic fluid and since I really grow straight out it is easy for the baby to get in a position which doesn't necessarily support the birth. Of course they didn't tell me this at the time the midwife just got a doctor for support and I have to say I was SO lucky. Both my midwife and doctor were kick ass. Yep Kickass! The first thing I asked the doctor for was a PDA and then a c-section as I was finding the pushing to be excruciating. Obviously at this point I was willing to say anything to just get the baby out without me having to deal with the awful pushing feelings. She did a check and then looked at me and firmly said you are pushing this baby out now! Both the midwife and doctor knew exactly what I needed to hear and  with the next push I could feel the baby's head,which was SO amazing. Wow! The doctor helped keep the baby from going back up as that is what he had been doing the whole time. The next push was pretty painful and then the whole head was out. With the last push baby Ferdi was out at 3:45 pm. Unfortunately I found out later that the little stinker had had both hands by his face but thankfully with the doctors and midwives help he had at least gotten in the right position so that he could come out. His apgars were 10 and 10 and he was able to lay with me right away.

It was such an amazing birth and I was so proud of myself. I was also in awe of how fast it went and how nice so much of it was, especially the parts at home. I honestly wouldn't change any part of it and it was in some ways even better then I had pictured.

My not so secret, secret?

I took castor oil the night before.
Here in Germany castor oil is recommended by some midwives once you hit the due date or go over to help start contractions so I wasn't at all worried about the baby's safety. In fact his heart rate was perfect during the whole birth. What I was worried about was having another big baby as I just didn't think I could do it again. Honestly, I still don't. Anyone who says giving birth to a big baby isn't that bad is full of crap. Sure it is possible and some women manage to do it with grace and I totally respect them and their abilities but I never want to give birth to a baby as big as some 4-6 week olds again. So after doing every natural thing under the sun; RRL tea, EPO, long walks, lots of sex, jumping on a trampoline (I know ridiculous right? LOL), etc. I decided on Thursday night that I was going to take the plunge and take 1 tbsp of castor oil. I knew that it might just give me diarrhea and not start the birth and I was completely at peace with that. I had decided if that happened then that was the baby's way of telling me that he wasn't ready to come and that I would then stop trying everything and just be patient. I took the castor oil in capsule form and spent the night with some stomach cramps and hitting the toilet a few times. It was absolutely fine and by the time the birth started it was pretty much over. Honestly if we have a third child I would do it again in a heartbeat. My other option was going to be an induction at the hospital and there was just no way I could have had the natural relaxed birth I did if I had been at the hospital the whole time.I also knew that my fears would continue to rise the longer the pregnancy went on. As it is if this baby had "cooked" as long as our first son the chances are very high he would have been just as big.

So far Ferdinand is so different then his brother. He is super relaxed and sleeps very well during the day, taking 2-4 hour naps, and nursing like a champ. Nights are still a grab bag especially since he already got his first cold from his brother but I don't have to wear him to keep him from screaming and he just overall seems so much more content. My midwife said that part of this might be due to not being a vacuum birth like his brother but I have my doubts about that theory. I just can't imagine that every rough birth leads to an extremely colicky baby for four months and think it was much more just Teddy's temperament as he didn't really calm down until he could walk and see the world. But you never know.

Once life settles in a bit more maybe I will even start updating here again more often, we'll see!

37 weeks + a few days

And I am so over this. I no longer look human- I look freakish. I feel how I look, but overall have nothing to complain about. Baby still moves often, my BP is great, I'm uncomfortable (obviously) but no real extreme pains, and I am still able to halfway keep up with Teddy. We have a lot going on in the next 2 weeks that I want to be present for so while I don't really want the baby to come yet I also can't imagine being pregnant for a few more weeks. Although the thought of bringing a baby home also gives me the shudders so maybe massively pregnant is just the right place for me right now. :D

My poor mother

I was skyping with my mother recently and she mentioned how disappointed she was that I wasn't updating this blog more regularly as during the last pregnancy she had really felt like she was a part of things, mainly due to my blogging.

While I completely understand where she is coming from, this pregnancy emotionally is just so different then the last that I don't think I will ever be able to muster up the effort to blog about it regularly. I mean so far during this pregnancy I have taken one pregnancy belly picture, about 10 weeks ago I believe- although speaking of weeks I can almost never tell you what week I am at, unless I just had a doctor's appointment, so you can see the fun belly progression of 14 weeks to..... hopefully I will manage to take one this week.
During this pregnancy I have also read exactly 0 books to get me prepared for the birth and baby, during the previous pregnancy I was probably at 30 by now. I haven't joined any special birth month pregnancy groups online, and am not really interested in doing so. I am planning on doing hypnobabies again but I don't need to start the 5 week self-study course until July and this time there is no way I would even consider starting it at week 25 like last time.

Honestly this reads as though I am not excited but I am, I am so thrilled that there is going to be another awesome little boy lighting up our lives. But this time I get to be excited about the realities which I know are coming, and I don't need to focus so much on all the possibilities. I know that I am going to have an insanely large stomach in just a few weeks so right now I love the fact that I still barely notice it now. I know that the first months will be a big adjustment so I am enjoying how easy our routine is and how much free time we both have for friends and hobbies living with our two year old right now. I know that the birth is something awesome and special but also difficult and maybe not something I want to spend months and months thinking about so I'm not.

I'm excited to have two little boys running around the house but I know that is still a ways off so I am focusing on the here and now and how enjoyable it is. I also really, really, really, REALLY love this age. 2 is awesome. Is he testing us? Sure. But is he also becoming more creative, more talkative, and overall just more of a person? Most definitely and it is so fun to watch and be a part of.

My pregnancies so far have both been easy and pretty much stress free. No diabetes, high blood pressure, trouble with position, etc. so I am really able to just sort of go on with my life as though I'm not even pregnant.... although I won't lie I miss drinking so much more than last time. I think because my nights out with the girls and with my husband and friends took on even more importance once Teddy entered our lives and going out every weekend was often unrealistic. Not that I am not still going out with friends and having fun but I definitely am looking forward to my first night out once the baby comes and I can really let loose. I also am surprised by how much I want to try for a third. We've both decided to just wait and see how it goes with two but a strong part of me really wants to go for 3, and space the last two perhaps even a bit closer together (but not closer than 2 years) so as to get the baby stage done with. Part of this does have to do with really wanting to have a daughter but at the same time even if baby number 2 had been a girl I feel pretty confident that I still would have wanted to have a third just as much, and of course I am prepared that I could have a third boy which is more than alright with me. But we'll see how I feel once the second actually arrives though!

So I'm just about 24 weeks and will try to update again before the baby comes. I won't promise more because I am guessing it isn't going to happen, but you never know.